Who is still waiting for positive feedback?
Why self-reflection is key to true growth
Many of us are familiar with the feeling of waiting for positive feedback - the kind that gives us a brief boost, making us feel good for a little while. I often hear clients say, “I need positive feedback. It makes me feel motivated.” But does it really?
The illusion of motivation through external feedback
From a young age, we’re conditioned to seek feedback—whether from parents, teachers, or bosses during performance reviews. I can’t deny that my brain gets a thrill when a client tells me, “You’ve helped transform my life.” But what is the true impact of this external validation?
Does it genuinely help us grow, or are we outsourcing our own development? Are we making our motivation and progress dependent on the opinions of others?
The pitfalls of relying on external validation
Carol Sanford aptly notes that “Input from other people tends to trigger our need to belong, a response demanded by our brain for survival. This causes us to give external input more weight than our own reflections, encouraging us to work toward others' ideas and suggestions instead of our own.”
This reliance on external feedback can hinder leaders and teams from taking full responsibility, being radically honest, continuously learning, and embracing the growth that businesses seek. While sharing thoughts, emotions, and wishes at work is valuable, it becomes an entirely different experience when done through the lens of self-reflection.
Steps to take responsibility for your own growth
Here are a few strategies I use to take control of my motivation and personal development - practices that I also encourage leaders and teams to adopt:
Self-reflection: Engage in activities like journaling, meditation, and regular planning and reflection (daily, weekly, monthly). Use self-reflection within a team to enhance understanding, connection, and learning.
Acceptance: Acknowledge different states of energy, emotions, and situations, accepting that perfection is unattainable and learning is continuous.
Responsibility: Take ownership of your reality by recognising your agency. Be aware of how you can change your thoughts and behaviors to define your own development goals.
Integrity: Align your actions with your values and commitments - both to yourself and others. This fosters authenticity in your personal and professional life.
The challenge: Move beyond positive feedback
If you’re still seeking positive feedback, I challenge you to become more conscious of how you engage with self-reflection and feedback. Self-reflection empowers individuals by returning agency and responsibility to them. Is this always easy? No. Is it a process? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely.
There is no learning culture, no growth, and no resilience without self-reflection. Encourage your people to develop them-selves.
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Christina Peters, Founder and Executive Coach, The Art of Self
Christina supports leaders and innovators on their path to conscious and regenerative leadership. With over a decade in consulting at boutique firms and Accenture, she has developed digital transformation strategies and build new business models and innovation units for German DAX companies, working with c-level. Six years ago, she began exploring how truly “sustainable” business can work. This journey led her to focus on awareness and leadership development as being crucial to bridging the gap between people, nature & business. Achieving this requires a paradigm shift, learning organisations, and a systemic view of business & value streams.
Direct yet compassionate, and driven yet humble, she has navigated significant personal & professional change. Her holistic experience uniquely positions her to facilitate deep personal & leadership transformation. She is member of the European Association of Supervision & Coaching and has learned directly from various pioneers at the forefront of leadership, such as Gunther Schmidt at Milton-Erickson Institute Heidelberg, Carol Sanford, and Giles Hutchins. With roots in Hamburg and experience in South America, China, South Africa, and England, she is blending global thinking with local action.
